I hit a wall

I need a nap. Seriously. I got one of the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time last night and I’m still tired. This baby is sucking all the energy I have.

Let’s talk about this sleep I got last night, while I cross my fingers in hopes of not jinxing it.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that my son is not the best sleeper – never has been. I will accept a good chunk of the blame on this one. I’ve put him to sleep since he was a baby. Held him, nursed him, rocked him. Therefore, he associates his sleep with me being with him. And with the past few months of transitioning him into an actual bed and me being pregnant and tired 99.9% of the time, it’s been my habit to literally fall asleep next to him.

Once I retreated back to my own bed at some point in the night, he would inevitably wake up looking for me and want me to come back and lay with him, repeating the cycle a time or two most nights.

Well, apparently my back got to a point where it was like, “Huh-uh. You shall do this no more or you will pay dearly.” And pay I did.

The growing baby, the newness of my son’s bed, and his desire to be as close to me as physically possible (he once slept with his foot flung over my head) resulted in some serious sciatic pain in my lower back and hip. Every little movement hurt. That was my limit. It was time to break the habit.

My son is at that age where he’s a little afraid of the dark. Once the lights are out and we are laying in bed, he typically says to me, “No monsters here.” And I confirm and tell him there are no monsters in our house; Toby and Joey scare them away. With this knowledge, I knew he wasn’t just going to be cool with me tucking him into bed, kissing him goodnight and walking out the door – shutting him in the darkness.

So we decided to do a little swap. We still do books and our normal bedtime routine, and I even lay down with him for a few minutes. My husband is also there too, laying next to us. Once I sense that he has calmed down and is getting sleepy, I give him a kiss and give him an excuse why I have to leave – Mommy has to take her medicine (thanks, diabetes). He says okay and I leave.

The first night was a bit of whining and pleading, asking for me to stay and sleep with him. But eventually he relaxed and was able to fall asleep after I left the room. Last night was pure magic. He slept all night in his own bed. I may be getting a little ahead of myself here as it’s only been a couple of days, but so far things are going really well.

It makes me a little sad, because I truly love the closeness of laying with my son. He won’t be little for long, and some day he won’t want me to lay with him. But right now, I know that’s what is best for me and for him as well. He needs to learn how to comfort himself to fall asleep.

Who knows, it could be a total anomaly, so only time will tell if his sleeping habits improve.


On a separate note, it hit me the other day how truly amazing my husband is, and how lucky I am to have him as a partner. I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t always appreciate all that he does in the moment.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned since becoming a mother is that sheer exhaustion can and will dictate your life. With a seemingly endless list of things to do once I clock off my paying job, it’s next to impossible for me to stop and notice all the little things my husband does to better our life.

Also, this pregnancy has really knocked me off my game. There really is something to be said for subsequent pregnancies once you are chasing your other kids around.

After putting in a full day at work, then picking up our son and keeping him entertained and fed, and doing all the night time duties, I am pretty much non-functioning by 8:30 pm (and typically passed out on our son’s floor).

My husband has easily surpassed me in the number of times the dishes have been washed in the last six months. And emptying the trash cans? I do that about once in a blue moon.

Feeding and letting the dogs outside? Yep, he does the bulk of that as well – and he is even less fond of those animals than I am. Which really speaks to how much he loves me. He takes care of those dogs because I love them. And he loves me.

My husband willingly does so many things to lighten my load without complaining. He comes home from a long day at his job, plays with our son, gives him a bath, and gets him dressed for bed. Then proceeds to do other chores around the house once I’ve reached my limit of consciousness.

He’s my person.

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