My anxiety journey

To say the last few months have been exhausting is only the tip of the iceberg. It’s been draining beyond belief and I’ve finally reached my breaking point.

I’ve dealt with anxiety the majority of my life, but never recognized it as an issue until my early twenties. Even then, it wasn’t anything that I felt spiraled out of control. That’s the essence of anxiety, right? Desperately feeling the need for control.

It wasn’t until I had my first son that I realized how serious anxiety could be. How twisted it could be, and how anxiety wanted to fight you every minute of every day for control. The first 18 months of my sons life were nail-biting. I worried about every little thing. And once a single worried thought entered my mind, it set up shop and spawned other worries.

For me, what has always helped has been a good night’s sleep and a little exercise. Well, when you are up several times during the night with a baby (my son didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was closer to two years old) you don’t really get the regenerative sleep an anxious brain needs.

And a sleep-deprived mind is anxiety’s palace. The perfect place to move in with all its intrusive thoughts.

The reality is I should have sought help back then. Instead, I let myself (and most likely those around me) suffer in silence.

My second son is now two months old, and after those first two weeks of hormone levels dropping and adjusting to a new life, I felt pretty good. Or at least I thought I did. But I’m starting to believe I was just reapplying Band-Aids to an old wound, hoping not to look at it.

The overwhelmingness of it all finally caught up to me. I’m so sleep-deprived that I often can’t form a thought. I am a mom to two incredibly dependent children and I am the one taking the least care of myself when I need it the most.

I’ve decided I need help. I admit I need help (anxiety doesn’t want you to get help). So I have scheduled my first therapy session for next week and I already feel a little lighter. I am eager to get started on therapy options and ready to feel happy. I hope to share as much of my journey as I can, as writing is one of my passions and my go-to way to express myself.

 

8 thoughts on “My anxiety journey

  1. You are definitely not alone I recently had to go on leave at work due to my anxiety and depression, it was wrecking me in so many ways, I decided to see a therapist and get some help, but to be completely honest with you. I thought they were going to have the answers, I thought they were gonna heal all the emotions I was fighting everyday, show me how to win the everyday battle, I’m a mom of 3, who works full-time, and my Bf does too. Life hit is hard and I started to spiral and was completely hopeless and was making up so many horrible scenarios as to what was gonna happen next, I was living in fear of my days, stressed, lashing out at times, crying and just crying, isolating myself from everyone, not even opening up to the love of my life and so during the time that I’ve been out of work getting help, I found God. Right? Sounds so cheesy, but it’s just the truth. All the worry, all the anxiety, all the things that made me so depressed, it’s not phasing me like before I feel enlightened, I feel hopeful I feel like I understand my purpose in life is more, I’m still in the process of healing but my spirit is on another level it’s never been on, I’m so confident that I will conquer this because I know I’m not alone. I began to pray about everything, like literally I had a feeling of doubt or anything that was gonna lead me back to hating myself, and in the dark place my mind has been in so long I just pray about it now. And I give it all to him. He gives me peace & the weight is lifted. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear but it’s my story & I want to help people. I was so far from faith and I know had I not got back into a relationship with God my days would be so brutal my mindset was screwed up and I was giving other things power in my life that didn’t deserve it at all. Stay strong, and hang in there. It will get better ♥️

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  2. Hello! I’ve been working with GAD for a decade or so. Mine was spurred by life events and progressively became more debilitating over the years. Therapy is a good option and I definitely recommend that you try it out for awhile. DON’T STAY WITH A THERAPIST YOU DO NOT CLICK WITH. I made that mistake and wasted a few years scratching surface shit.

    I also take medication which is what really turned my life around. Over the years I’ve tried a couple kinds and have a pretty good deal going right now. I’m trying to get pregnant so “emergency pills” that help to stop panic attacks are off the table, but I have worked with a psychiatrist to get on something I can take while pregnant. Some women can go off of meds or prefer to for pregnancy and breastfeeding, but my quality of life would suffer severely. My meds also tackle depression so it’s just not a viable option for me.

    You can always go to your primary care doctor, but I recommend a psychiatrist purely because they have more knowledge at their disposal about such disorders. My meds became just right when I finally switched to a psychiatrist. Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story! I will most likely seek meds. My sister has GAD among other disorders and she also says it has made a huge difference. Thanks for your advice and encouragement 🙂

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