Let it go

Anxiety is a beast of a thing. There is seemingly endless things to worry about. But here’s one of the things that gives me anxiety that is truly annoying: I’m one of those people hesitant to let people borrow things because I fear it will get lost. Not even something of value or meaning. It could be something as insignificant as a pen and I will think Well, I’ll never see that again.

I truly don’t know what it is and why it bothers me, but it’s annoying AF. Because in my soul, I don’t care about stuff. In fact, clutter and material things drive me kinda crazy. But I do know where this little quirk comes from: my grandmother. We are similar in a lot of ways, and I get a lot of my anxiety from her.

I bring this up because in the chaos of getting ready and getting my sons dressed and out the door for daycare this morning, my husband asked if our oldest had anything to take for “Show and Share” day. I huffed and said “no.” I had already located a Superman shirt for him to wear for Superhero Day, so that was enough.

My husband chuckled and pointed out that that’s part of my anxiety: not wanting my son to take something from home to school. I whole-heartily agreed and pointed out how annoying it was to myself. I know, I know, it shouldn’t be a big deal, and if my son wants to take something to show his friends at school, so be it.

But I feel like I don’t have anymore room in my brain to have to remember one more thing. Because most likely, he will forget about it, and if I forget to bring it home, then my anxiety spirals into What if he asks for it later at night and we can’t go get it and he throws a fit or starts crying? 

Those damn “What if’s?”

I think one of my greatest fears is letting my anxiety affect my kids. I definitely don’t want them to pick up these ridiculous thoughts and habits and don’t want to let my anxiety hold them back from living their lives.

Kids make mistakes, and get hurt, and I need to understand that that’s okay. It’s part of life. I have to let them live.

On a positive note, a stranger paid for my decaf latte this morning, so that was a very nice start to the day. I like to think this person is walking her talk as she had a “Be Kind” sticker on her rear SUV window. Kindness rules and I plan to spread a little to others on a daily basis.

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