If a couple decides to parent a newborn, there comes a time when the mother/wife will resent the father/husband. This comes by way of lack of sleep for Mama and not so much for Dada.
This shocked me a little with my first baby. But my husband was more eager to hop out of bed and help with our son in the dead of night, especially those first few weeks when I was recovering.
I want to make it clear that this post isn’t a bash on my husband in a negative way. I love him and appreciate what he does, but a lack of sleep will get to a person. And when your partner is sleeping soundly next to you while you hold a writhing newborn who is determined to wake the neighborhood, your mind starts to turn on everyone who isn’t suffering with you.
It came to a head this morning at 4:30. While I was up for the fourth time (three with the cranky five-week old who really only wanted to be held, and once with my toddler having to coax him from the living room at 3:00 am to our bed because the “thunderboomies” woke him up and he didn’t want to sleep), my husband stirred next to me and asked what time it was.
I told him 4:30 and his response, “Almost made it through the night.”
Hold up. “This is the first time you’ve been up,” I asked with sheer shock.
It took everything in me not to mutter some sarcastic response. It must have been the sleep deprivation.
While I was playing Queen of the Night (not in any exciting way at all), my husband SLEPT THROUGH EVERYTHING! The wailing newborn two feet from his head, the loud-ass thunderstorm, and the conversation my toddler and I had IN OUR BED – he slept through it all. And he sounded cheery to have almost gotten a full-night’s sleep.
Not only did I put the baby down for the night, but I also got the toddler asleep, which is typically at least an hour-long process. I fell asleep in his bed (because, hello, exhaustion), and shuffled back to my room around 10:00 pm to find my husband lights out.
And here I am now, very much needing sleep but spending the time my baby is napping on writing this. So much for “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Those people who say that obviously don’t have mom brain and deal with the mental load that goes with it. Ah, but that’s another rant for another post.